Hopefully with every drop of blood and every tear that falls, the pain would get too much to take and I'll eventually learn to forget you.

I just wanna forget you forget you forget you forget you forget you forget you forget you. :(

Ah fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk/

Fuck you.

Tried to find the words, but they don't come out right.

Today's a sucky day. I could just curl up and lie on my bed the whole day. I feel like running away from all of these, but I can't. I can't even be myself around those I love anymore because I need to be strong, I can't cry and I don't wanna cry, or maybe I do. I don't know what I want. I started tearing again when they showed us topics for block test 2. I just finished my blocks 1, and you wanna tell me that everything from J1 to now will be tested for physics? I just started to tear up. Sigh.

I dreamt you left me too, and that was sucha nightmare. I just stood there and just stared as they took you away and then they killed me. Or something like that. And, I was scared.

Sigh. I wish I were stronger, you know? I wish I had the strength to really face up to all of these instead of wanting to run away, instead of just wanting to curl up and cry. Instead of just wanting to sink into someone's arms, for them to hold me up cause sometimes, it really feels like I'm too tired to hold myself up anymore.

I whacked myself so hard last night, my blood vessels kinda burst. I wish they didn't. It's so ugly now.

I wanna be happy. Everyone thinks I'm happy. And, deep inside, if I search deep down inside, I think I wish they knew I wasn't so I wouldn't have to keep this facade up.

The tears always well up in my eyes and they don't fall. I feel. Choked. I just wanna run away from this whole big mess. I see how everything's working out for everyone else and I can't help but ask, why isn't it working out for me too. If everyone else's life is starting to work out, why can't mine. Why'm I still floating, why'm I still hurting. Why can't I let go. Why am I so bad at letting people go, why am I so bad at letting people go. Why.

I just don't wanna be so dispensable in everyone's lives. Is that too much to ask for?

“The one that is meant for us is going to be the hardest to get, the hardest to keep, and the hardest to accept because through all that the love will grow stronger. Love wasn’t made to be easy, otherwise we wouldn’t end up with the right person. We would end up with the first one who comes along. By struggling we single out the wrong ones and realize who really is the one.”

"I hate how dispensable I am to people. I hate how people feel they can just forget about me, replace me, erase me without even a second thought. It’s like I don’t matter to anyone. And hey, I mean, I don’t blame you. I’m no one special. I just thought you were different. I had more faith in you. And you took that, ripped it up, shoved it in my face and walked away without ever looking back."

“Love works in miracles every day: such as weakening the strong, and stretching the weak; making fools of the wise, and wise men of fools; favouring the passions, destroying reason, and in a word, turning everything topsy-turvy.”

"It's like once you've been hurt, you're so scared to get attached again. Like you have this fear that every person you like is going to break your heart."

I know. :(

"Maybe the people who are the hardest to love, are the ones who need it most."

“I think that’s what’s wrong with the world. No one says what they feel, they always hold it inside. They’re sad, but they don’t cry. They’re happy, but they don’t dance or sing. They’re angry, but they don’t scream. Because if they do, they feel ashamed. And that’s the worst feeling in the world. So everyone walks with their heads down and no one sees how beautiful the sky is.”

“If there’s just one piece of advice I can give you, it’s this - When there’s something you really want, fight for it, don’t give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you’ve lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you’re gonna wish you gave it just one more shot.Because the best things in life, they don’t come free.”

“I’m gonna hold you for the last time. I’m gonna cry, but afraid to not let it show. This is the hardest way to say goodbye ‘cause as you walk away I’m feeling so alone. I don’t understand, you had to leave, and and I’m not a part of your plan. We both agreed, but now I regret there are so many thing I should have said.”

"At some point you have to make a decision. Boundaries don’t keep other people out; they fence you in. Life is messy, that’s how we’re made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here’s what I know, If you’re willing to take a chance, the view from the other side is spectacular."

“Sometimes you’re afraid to become a couple because you’re afraid of losing what you already have with that person. But life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don’t be a person who has to look back and wonder what they could have had. No one waits forever.”

“When you’re in the present, you’re living your life. You’re not caught up in what could’ve been or what might be.”

“To the outside world we all grow old. But not to brothers and sisters. We know each other as we always were. We know each other’s hearts. We share private family jokes. We remember family feuds and secrets, family griefs and joys. We live outside the touch of time.”

It's not the same this time. I'm still right here for you. Since when have I left you. Hasn't it always been you leaving me. I'm right here to stay. To be here when you need me. I'm sorry, because I know you don't feel that I'm here. But from the bottom of my heart, I am. And always will be. Because you're you, you're special to me, no matter how much we've been through and how much we've wounded each other. I miss you, very much. I miss spending time with you, I think that's what I miss the most. Those afternoons where we just rot at your house and just watch csi cause I wanna, and then you'll wanna watch your disney channel and all that. I miss all of that. I miss you. I wish we didn't hurt each other, I wish we didn't end up this way. Because I know, even if you did hurt me and break me apart, I would still love you as much as I did from back then in sec 3. You were my best friend, and you were the only one who I could hang around in school with, who I felt comfortable with. The only one I would stay back after school with and we'll just stay in your class and talk and do crap. I miss you. Not for what I was to you, but what you were to me. My best friend babe. You were my best friend, and always will be.

Cheer up soon, because I'm sorry, I wish I understood, but to you, I don't. 

I miss you, sometimes, I wish you missed me too.

“I want to be remembered. I want to be thought of as that one girl who never let anyone get in her way. I want to be needed, I want to be cried over, waited on, wished for. I want to be strong, I want to be beautiful. I want to feel special. And I want to be with someone who can do all these things for me, from now until never.”

“I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time. I’ll keep this as a constant reminder of the nights I spent holding onto him, and rest assured I’m moving on. I miss you less with each day you’re gone.”

“I think we all - I think all of us - want to feel something that we’ve forgotten or turned our backs on because maybe we didn’t realize how much we were leaving behind. We need to remember what used to be good.If we don’t, we’ll never, ever recognize it.”

“You can find the good in anyone if you give them a chance. They may disappoint you sometimes but they may surprise you too. Always remember this… you will never get to know someone until you listen to what’s in their heart.”

“There’s that one moment, the moment when you’ve figured out just how much you’ve really let go, how much you’ve grown. It takes you back a step and it makes you think. It’s that moment when you can’t look back, yet you can’t see to look too far into the future. It’s the moment you realize you’ve living for yourself and no one else. Never let go of that moment.”

“If you can’t solve it, It isn’t a problem – it’s reality. And sometimes reality is the hardest thing to understand and the thing that takes the longest to realize. But once it hits you in the face you’ll never forget it. It will always be there in your memories and sometimes that’s the best way to look at it.”

“You want to know what happiness is? It’s waking up in the middle of the night, shifting under the blankets and feeling the heart of the person next to you. You turn around and see them in their most peaceful, innocent, and vulnerable state. They breathe as though the weight of the world lies on anyone’s shoulders but their own. You smile and kiss their face in the gentlest manner so as not to wake them. You turn back and an involuntary grin forms on your face. You feel an arm wrap around your waist and you know it doesn’t get any better than this.”

In the end, we always go back to the people that were there in the beginning.

You know, the right guy won't get you to change. He won't subtly pressure you. He won't tell you who you can and can't talk to. He won't hide the fact that you're hanging out. He's not gonna tell you you're wrong for feeling; for being a girl. The right guy will show you off to his friends. He'll take it as slow as you want. He'll only go as far as you're comfortable with. He'll take you out to places, even if it's just a fast food place or the store. He'll actually sit through your stupid, girly Disney movies with you because he just wants to be with you. The right guy will come along someday, you just gotta tough it out and wait for him. But whatever you do, don't settle for the wrong guy. You deserve so much more.

“We tend to forget that happiness doesn’t come as a result of getting something we don’t have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have.”

“She wants to know if I love her, that’s all anyone wants from anyone else, not love itself but the knowledge that love is there, like new batteries in the flashlight in the emergency kit in the hall closet.”

"It doesn’t matter to me if you understand. Don’t just hear me out- listen to me. Don’t speak- just listen. Just listen and respect my feelings. You don’t have to understand. I don’t give a flying fuck if you understand or not. Just respect what I’m telling you and respect how I’m feeling. Respect the fact that I am actually telling you the truth. I don’t tell the truth to just anyone. I don’t go out of my way to tell people the truth. Usually, I don’t bother explaining. But I care and I want to… so I will. So please take that into consideration before going off the handle and making me feel more awful than I already do. All I know is that I have to do what’s best for me. Even if that means letting some people down."

I don't know how to do what's best for me. :(

“Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don’t know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.”

“The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace from that day. We cannot change our past, we cannot change the fact that people will act in certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing that we can do is play on the one string that we have and this string is, Attitude. I am convinced that life is ten percent what happens to me and ninety percent how I react to it. And so it is with you….We are in charge of our Attitudes.”

“It’s amazing, some people, they just say these small little things, one sentence and it changed the way you feel about them in an instant. Small little words that can hurt you so much or make you fall deeply in love forever. It changes everything, nothing between you is ever really the same again, even if they don’t know it, it still happens.”

Love is not just about finding the right person, but creating a right relationship. It's not about how much love you have in the beginning but how much love you build till the end.

<3

“Maybe happiness didn’t have to be about the big sweeping circumstances, about having everything in your life in place. Maybe it was about stringing together a bunch of the small pleasures. Walking barefoot, watching your favorite movie, eating a brownie with vanilla ice cream. Maybe happiness was just a matter of the up sticks (the traffic signal saying “walk” the second you got there) and the down sticks [the itchy tag at the back of your collar] that happened to every person in the course of the day. Maybe everyone had the same allotted measure of happiness within each day. Maybe it didn’t matter if you were a world famous heartthrob or a painful geek. Maybe it didn’t matter if you’re friend was possibly dying. Maybe you just got through it. Maybe it was all you could ask for.”

“It’s just that.. I just think that some things are meant to be broken. Imperfect. Chaotic. It’s the universe’s way of providing contrast, you know? There have to be a few holes in the road. It’s how life is.”

“No matter how far life pushes you down, no matter how much you hurt, you can always bounce back”

Chem was horrible :( Again. I really think this exams are screwed up ttm. Makes me feel like studying is so pointless because seriously, what's the point of studying so hard when it comes to the end of it all, you don't even know what to question means. Ok, chem was expected to be like that anyway, my chem sucks :( But the rest aren't meant to suck so badly. I really don't wanna fail anymore, it's quite demoralizing haha.

I can't wait for tomorrow! I'm going to let loose till Monday and then back to studying. I really need a break, I think I'm like burned out or something. And here I am talking to myself, haha.

I can feel myself relaxing a lot more today. It's like this whole big load off my chest. I just need to mug for one more day one more day one more day! I came into the car and mummy was like, "I can feel your tension". Hahahhaa.

There's this constant expectation of myself for myself. If you get what I mean. I don't wanna let myself down. That day, mummy asked me, do you have any regrets. I know the answer she was waiting to hear, but I said no. Because, really, I don't have any. I don't regret loving you. <3

Ok, back to physics.
I thank God for the end of this exams!!!!

"It’s the worst feeling in the world to love & hate someone all at the same time. And it’s hard to watch things change when all you want is for them to stay the same. It’s funny but stupid how you want everything & nothing at the same time. It’s crazy when you want to let go, but you keep holding on, & when you want to move on but you’re stuck right where you started. When feelings come and go & you can’t decide what you want. When you have so many things to say but you don’t know where to start. When you want them in your life so bad, but all you can do is push them farther & farther away. It’s so hard to think back to how things used to be & look at it now and realize that things are different & they may never be the same. You tell yourself it’s not worth it, but if it really didn’t matter, you wouldn’t spend so much time thinking about it."

Hello, I'm the Happiness Fairy. I've sprinkled happy dust on you. So, Smile. This crap is expensive!!!!!!!!!! - Tinkerbell

:)

“You can feel when someone you hold close to your heart is slipping away, little by little. It’s when the mere thought of losing a friend can bring you to tears almost instantly. The pain you are beginning to feel can crush your entire heart. Yet everything that you try to do to solve the problems only push them further and further away from you. When the only chance of getting back to the way things were in the beginning is to hope this person realizes what they may be losing.”

I understand, fully.

"I swear to you I’ll try my best. I won’t let you fall. I won’t let another goddamn tear run down your face. You’re everything, and I need you to see that. I’m sorry I haven’t treated you well in the past. I’m sorry I gave up on you. I’m here now, and I’m not going to sit back and watch you lose yourself this time. I promise you that."

:( :( WHY AM I STUPID ZOMG.

I can't do this anymore, I think I'm giving up on you

I know distance doesn't matter but you feel so far away.

Stupid songs that made me cry, hahaha. :(
They're nice though! :)

“The one that is meant for us is going to be the hardest to get, the hardest to keep, and the hardest to accept because through all that the love will grow stronger. Love wasn’t made to be easy, otherwise we wouldn’t end up with the right person. We would end up with the first one who comes along. By struggling we single out the wrong ones and realize who really is the one.”

“Someday, everything will come together. But until then, live it up; do what makes you happy. If someone doesn’t agree, then fuck them. Pick yourself up & deal when shit happens. Remember that mistakes only make us stronger, everything happens for a reason, the only regrets you have in life are the risks that you didn’t take, & well-behaved women rarely make history. Above all else, go with your gut & guard your heart.”

“When you feel as if the world is on your shoulders and you can no longer bear it anymore to the point where you find yourself crying for absolutely no reason, but you feel better because whatever you’re feeling at that exact moment is strolling down your cheeks and going to the cracks of your lips until the salty taste hits your tongue and coats it. At that exact moment, you put on a song whether it’ll be a Coldplay song, from “Fix You” and to “Sparks” you play it and the lyrics wraps around your head and then it feels like the whole world has suddenly stops and you could finally breathe and then you understand what the singer is talking about. You just understand completely. But there just isn’t anyway to explain it’s just there, you have to listen that’s all.”

“There will come a time in your life when you will become infatuated with a single soul. For this person you’d do anything and not think twice about it, but when asked why, you have no answer. You’ll try your whole life to understand how a single person can affect you as much as they do, but you’ll never find out. And no matter how badly you hate it or how badly it hurts, you’ll love this person without regret, for the rest of your life.”

I just couldn't control it anymore today. I really didn't wanna cry but I couldn't help it. I really wanted to stop, but it just wouldn't stop. It's hard to believe someone when she says she doesn't wanna cry but can't stop, I know. Physics was terrible. I felt so much like just walking out cause really, I was writing rubbish. And, sometimes, it just sucks. I guess. I think what sucked the most is that... I really don't wanna let mr quek down. I really don't wanna disappoint him time and time again. He's given me so much time and belief and somehow, I feel like. I never meet up to them. To have someone believe in me, no, to have a teacher believe in me, it means a lot to me. And it just sucks a lot to let him down. 

Thanks for being there anyway :)

“Facing the headwinds and growing up. I don’t care if I’m beaten by heavy rain. Tomorrow, the rain will definitely let up and the sun will be waiting, right? Although I was beat-up that day, a brightly shining dream will always strongly, strongly be there.”

I don't know what else to do. Somehow, I'm starting to believe that if I smile enough, laugh enough, the pain would go away. Like somehow, magically vanish. I think there's too much on my back now for me to face it. I don't wanna face it, maybe this is what being in denial means. I care, of course I do, but I've got no strength left in me to fight for something which isn't even in my control. I've got no strength to fight battles that aren't mine to fight. As much as I want things to be okay, I know it's not in my control. And I think, that's the most upsetting thing, to have things out of your control, to never have a say in anything at all.

I just don't know what else to do. How to face things. How to solve them one by one. I'm just too tired. I've got my own battles, am I supposed to fight battles that aren't mine too? I've had enough of crying, now, is that wrong too? That despite all of this, I really just wanna be happy. I don't wanna be tied down, I don't wanna care. I really don't wanna care anymore.

If only you could stop caring just cause you want to stop, no? If only you could just stop trying because your head knows it's pointless. If only our heart works like that too. If you don't come home tonight, I really give up on this whole thing.

I swear I'm not going to cry. I don't wanna cry over things that don't even have anything to do with me anymore. I don't care if this family falls apart, I don't care if I've gotta live with this for the rest of my life. Maybe if I tell myself this long enough, I'll start believing that I really don't care.

If everyone's going to leave in the end, then what's the point of letting anyone in?

I'll probably wait up till you come home tonight. I don't think I wanna wake up realizing you didn't come home. I'd rather go to sleep with the knowledge that you're not home and not being disappointed the next morning. I'd rather know what to expect the next morning rather than getting affected tomorrow instead. I love you daddy, I do. But sometimes, love can't compensate for betrayal, you betrayed my belief in you.

When you're feeling your worst, that's when you get to know yourself the best.

The first hug, the first love, the first holding of hands, the first sunrise, the first sunset, the first starnight together, the first stayover, the first. The first, they always mean the most.

She could change her ringtone, and he wouldn't know. Because when her phone rang, he was usually the one on the line. and when he was with her, her phone was always on silent.

Reminds me of you :)

“Beautiful things come out of horrible situations. I know for a fact, out of sadness you get a new found wisdom on how the world can look with a haze of gray clouds, how people can be senseless, how you can see the whole universe in a whole new way. And that may be hard to handle, hard to cope, hard to accept, but it is so damn beautiful if you really take the chance to realize. Out of anger, you can feel your heart beat race, with every beat it is shaking your whole being and not only the heavy steps you take. It is when you, your whole self and some power is telling you that you are alive. And that is amazing in every angle. Out of anything there is something in there that makes it incredible. something that makes it shine. Whatever you feel is potent and it is such a blessing to be able to feel what you feel. You just have to think about it.”

Pain, you just have to ride it out, hope it goes away on its own, hope the wound that caused it heals. There are no solutions, no easy answers, you just breath deep and wait for it to subside. Most of the time pain can be managed but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it. Hits way below the belt and doesn't let up. Pain, you just have to fight through, because the truth is you can't outrun it and life always makes more.

“You’re probably right. I’m sure I don’t have any idea what you’re going through. How hard it is to let someone go. How painful it must be to know that as right as you two are for each other, it doesn’t mean you’re right for each other right now. I wouldn’t know a thing about that. About how it makes you want to scream, or hit someone, or cry.”

“I loved you. And here’s a news flash: you protected me from nothing. I spent time missing you, wondering what the hell I did wrong to make you do that to me. I thought everything was my fault. And even when I got over that, I still knew what I’d lost: you. You were the one who made me laugh when I had a crappy day. You were the one I vented to when I was mad, the one I shared all the good stuff with. You always knew when I was full of crap, and you always called me on it. You were smart, you were funny, you were good-looking. You were mine. And then, suddenly, you weren’t. I knew every day exactly what I’d lost, and I missed you every day. That’s the big favor you did for me. Thanks so much. Here’s the kicker… you weren’t even protecting me. You were protecting yourself. If you’d given half a thought to me, you wouldn’t have said goodbye.”

Exactly how I feel sometimes.

You could tell that I was nervous, so you held my hand.
I'm not crossing these roads till you hold my hand.

Last night, I dreamt you held my hand again.
:(

"Welcome Home (You)"

When I left home to be who I am
Some people said "No Way"
But I laid it all down, gave everything
In my head rang the words that my father said

You're never far
I will be where you are
and when you come to me
I will open my arms

Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face.

When I look at you holding my heart
I will give to you all that I have
Son I know there'll be times
You will feel all alone
I will share with you the words my father said

You're never far
I will be where you are
and when you come to me
You can bet I will open my arms

Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face

Said I've been waiting for that day
Just to feel your warm embrace
Your love has shown
I will never be alone
You will welcome me home

I'll forever be
You will say to me
Welcome Home, you
I know you by name
How do you do?
I shine because of you today
So come and sit down
Tell me how you are
I know son, it's good just to see your face

When I left home to be who I am
Some people said "No Way"

I think I haven't felt this sad in a really long time.
I'm taking a break, from everything.

Till I feel better, goodbye.

We can't waste too much time missing something or someone from the past. We accept that life's never constant; things change and people grow apart. Yet we can't stop thinking about how good it used to be; afraid that we'd never experience it again, afraid that we've already lived it and lost it.

It sucks that the person who hurt you, is the one you want to run to to make you feel better.

"I cried and you held me. And even though my whole world was crashing in on me, everything I loved was being taken away, I felt safe. Even though there was nothing to believe in, you made me believe that everything was going to be okay."

I remember, do you remember?

Sometimes, I wonder what I thought about before I met you.

I'm not feeling too good tonight. Maybe it's the lack of sleep and extreme tiredness. But I miss you more than I should tonight. I sound like some love sick puppy. Haha. :( Sometimes, it makes me wonder why things always work out the way they do. I know I shouldn't be holding on so tightly anymore. But I can't help it. It's like a natural thing to do. You know? I don't know what else to do with this mind of mine. Or what else to do. I think I've been doing the same thing for so long, that if I were to stop, I think I'd be so lost.

I need a hug. I think I need a little love :( Someone who wants to make me happy, you know? Instead of it always being me trying. I know there are. But I guess it's different when it's not you.

Ah crappy. :(
I should go to bed and forget all this nonsense. Stupid book, so sweet, and all that. Make me think so much. :(

Bang.

Time passes slowly when you want it to pass. Yet it zooms by when you want it to come to a standstill. Why?

AH FORGET IT, pointless thinkings. Hahaha. :( I just wish, somehow, like maybe by a miracle or something, you were here right now.

I feel a little weird this morning. I bet it was the dream :/ I think it was traumatizing though it's funny. It's scary though I can't put my finger on what exactly is scary.

Forever & almost always, the song speaks a lot to me.

I can't always be the one caring, can I. Even friendships, it's a 2 way street. Loving isn't, but friendships are.

"She has always been like this when she’s sad, like she wants to be pressed to me but also distant, next to me & far away from me at the same time. Like she is practicing being gone. And I don’t really get it, how she can turn from me when she’s at her most miserable, times when all I want to do is hold her & never let go. It’s like the sadness pushes me, pulls her. And her pulling away makes things worse, way worse, for me, but I can’t ever tell her that, because then she’s even more sad, for hurting me. Too many layers of hurt, & it starts to suffocate us both."

I think it's quite true. I think I'm like that too.

From joann's blog :)

"If God wants you both to be together in four or five years, it doesn't matter if one of you goes to the moon. You'll be back together."

Amen!

The book's damn good. I don't wanna put it down. Bittersweet, I guess she used the right word :)

Anyway, it's hard not to be sad about it, but I guess I've gotta accept it and just live. I'm not moving on I think, not yet. Some part of me still hopes, I think. And maybe if I hope hard enough it'll come true. Maybe, hopefully. Who knows. I think I've been pushing it away. For now.

They didn't let me take the test today and I cried for an hour. HAHA. Cool right. Like everything's such a mess right now. Even when they could just log into ISP to get my photo ID, ISP had to crash. I was like so amused. And Ho LY had to see me in the staff room and scold me -.- Hahaha. I guess it was good. I could just cry and didn't have to stop cause no one was waiting for me, nor would anyone be looking for me. So yeh :) Felt much better.

I miss you, omg. I keep realizing everyday how much I miss you, and. I've been trying to push it away but it's not working. I need to find something else that works, lol.

So I've come to a conclusion- I'm not fighting for anyone anymore, I've been doing that for too long now.

Now, Charis, stop crying :) It's going to be fine. Hush. Be strong. :) You've gotta get yourself together cause your block tests are coming soon! And you really really really can't screw up your block tests anymore! You've worked so hard and come so far, don't let it get to you. Don't let it bring you down.

Even if everyone leaves you, you know it's okay, because you're stronger than that. Family can fall apart, friends can go, love ones and turn around and leave you behind, but you know at the end of the day you have to rely on no one but yourself.

I'm moving slowly, but it doesn't matter, as long as I keep moving. Right?

It's hard to lose people when you have no control over it. It's hard to have no say and just having to accept. I think... that's the worst kind of goodbye. One where you never tried to keep it together.

Idk to laugh or cry. Tomorrow's exam and mummy just fell and needs to go hospital and all that. And.... It's not her fault. At all. But sometimes, I wonder, why does it always have to happen at the same time.

Off to hospital. My GP, hahaha, sigh.

I have resolved, to wait upon the Lord. :)

Ok, I'm feeling much better and ready to face the day! GO GO GO FIGHTING!

So I've been studying the wrong topic for the whole day :( I feel stupid. Very stupid.

Sigh, what a day.

So, Jesus Christ, take my life, it's all for you.

In my weakness, You are strong. Gotta remember that. If I am faithful in what You want me to do, You'd be faithful and see me through. I know it.

I haven't stopped crying since I saw what you said. It just made my tears flow.

Sucks, :'( I don't know how to deal with everything by myself anymore. I'm breaking down.

I cried myself to sleep last night. Cried and cried and tried to keep my eyes open to wait for them to stop quarreling so I could go ask mummy if she was okay. I couldn't, and I feel so lousy :( I didn't know what else to do. She finally said it all. And the words were harsh and painful and I could hear her pain and hurt and feelings of betrayal. And through the shoutings and screamings, I probably shouldn't have cried, but I knew of nothing else I could do. I just went up to my room, sat there, and cried. Cried and cried cause it felt like my family was falling apart. Kept hearing the word I never wanted to hear come up and up again. And then, I felt so scared. It's like losing the one thing you thought you never could loose.

I don't know what else to do. I cried this morning too. Prayed. Commited. Sometimes I wish people knew so they'd understand if I suddenly burst out crying, but I'd rather them not know I think. Cause I don't wanna seem unfeeling when I laugh or smile. Sometimes, I think people don't understand how hard it is, but I sitll do cause I really wanna trust.

At points like these, I wish things would be okay. I look at old photographs, and sometimes, I wish I could turn back time. But for now, I'm trusting You.

Wth I can't stop crying :(

I wanna talk to you. :'(

i just wanna sleep :( Sleeping at 1 and waking up for nothing at 7 is the stupidest thing ever............

i hate physics hbl

i can't even be bothered to capitalize my letters -.-

The greatest relationships are the ones you never expected to be in. The ones that swept you off your feet and challenged your ever view. The ones where you found yourself to be a better person because of who you were when he was around. The ones that made you wake up with a smile on your face no matter how corny it was. The ones that made everything right when it was wrong. the ones that caused you physical pain to leave because leaving meant losing a part of yourself.

The greatest relationships are the ones you’ll always remember not because of their length, but because of who you were with. The ones where the memories make you want to laugh when you’re crying. The ones that make you believe that god exists, because no one else could have created someone so amazing. The ones that cause you to change for the better, even if you don’t realize it. the ones where you know you’re being honest with yourself, so much it hurts.

The greatest relationships are the ones where he called you lame and you just rolled your eyes because you knew he was kidding. The ones where you were comfortable around him because you knew he’d love you no matter what. The ones where love seemed to be the only answer. The ones that made you compromise because it was something you knew you wanted to last. The ones where you accepted what he did because you just wanted to see him happy.

The greatest relationships are the ones that changed your life. The ones that made you rethink your future because you knew it’d be better with him. The ones where you felt like your forever had finally appeared. The ones that made you question the ending. The ones that told you to push through the problems because eventually it would be better again. The ones where you broke your heart and his for his good, even when you couldn’t explain without breaking a rule.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you care more about his happiness then you do about your own. The ones where you do what you do for his future, even if it means wrecking your present. The ones where you tell yourself to walk in the opposite direction, because you know there are just some things you can’t do. The ones when you cry not because it’s over, but because you know you lost not only him, but your best friend too.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll thank him for being a part of your life, no matter how short. The ones where you’ll never forget him because he helped shape your view on love. The ones where you’ll always be there for him, whether or not he’ll accept that. The ones where he put up with your crap when he didn’t have to. The ones where your last tribute to him was doing something he never thought you’d do - and loving it.

The greatest relationships are the ones where you’ll always love him, even when he’s forgotten all about you. The ones where you’re changed forever because of him. The ones that you will always smile about because while they were flawed, they were still amazing. The ones where you fought what you knew was going to happen because you couldn’t quite come to terms with losing him. the ones that remind you love lost is better than never having loved at all.

I dreamt of you again, this time I wished it lasted forever.