:)
I can do all things through Christ.
I can move a moutain if You are the strength of my life.

Take your sweet sweet time.

I'll be here, when you change your mind.

Take your sweet sweet time.

I'll be here, for you baby, anytime.

When you love someone,
you celebrate their successes and help them keep moving forward,
even if that means you get left behind.

----------------------------------

/omg a lot of work....

GP vocab x2
GP article review
Chem tutorial (idk how to dooooo!!!)
Math remedial hw
Physics tutorial
Econs essay

Omg, good luck.

“After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul, and you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t mean security, and you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises, and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, not the grief of a child, and you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… that you really are strong, and you really do have worth.”

You, don't be sad anymore. It's okay. I guess I understand :) Cheer up ok!! Whichever way you want it, somehow you'll get it. And.... I understand la, so don't worry! :) ENJOY YOUR DAY OF NO SCHOOL!!! :)

Wednesdays are the longest days ever :( I don't like. Tired, sleepy, grumpy.

Sigh. I should sleep soon. I've got nothing to post about anymore :( Sigh. I can't wait for school to end :/ Holidays!!! :)

I can't stand this feeling of tiredness all the time. No matter how much I sleep. It's so... annoying. :( UGH.

I've got to start letting go, of everything.

You, you and you.

Stop loving, stop missing, stop hoping.

Goodbye.

i got what i wanted,





why am i angry then -.-

So sweet, 2 of them are really so sweet. :) Makes me really want to go aw. Hahaha, I feel so warm and fuzzy inside listening to them. Hahaha, so cute, so sweet, really.

I think I've become so afraid of becoming a burden. I've become so afraid that if I ask for too much or take too much or just... seem like I pull people back, that I'll start losing them. So please, don't do things for me, don't. I don't want there to be any reason for you to one day turn around and say that it's my fault, that I held you back. I think I can't hear that anymore, I really can't. Just don't wanna become someone who tires anyone anymore. Just, don't wanna see anyone leave anymore.

Omg, I'm going to cry -.-

I'd rather keep it all in, don't show it, be strong and happy, and laugh it all off. Be there, comfort, love, than to break down and have others worry and try and tire them. I'd rather..... just keep all of them with me, even if it meant I kept all my sadness in. Because really, I think someone leaving again, would just be the worst thing ever. I don't think my heart can take it. It can take sadness and hurt, but I really don't think it can take another goodbye.

Okay, sweetheart, look. I'm doing everything you want already, I left. I let you leave. What more do you want from me? What more do you want. Is it too much to ask, to just wanna talk to you once in a while. If I let you leave, if I let my heart break and just go along with it cause it's what you wanted, can't you just stick around as a friend like you promised?

Just, why do you treat me like that. Like my life is that easy to walk in and out of.

You never fail to pull me down, to use your words to hurt me so badly till I just wanna give up and just throw in the towel. What kind of teacher are you? I don't really know, and I don't really care. But, thanks again, for pushing me, your words never fail to push me to wanna prove you wrong. Thanks, for being such a motivation. Just you wait and see, I'll get my A, straight in your face. And amazing thing is, I'll be getting it, without your help.

Teachers, if you have no intention on being one, then you should have never become one. Teachers, require a special something, a something which you obviously don't have.

Love will tear us apart- I understand now.

Somehow, I always feel like I need others so much more than they need me.

Today was hard, another departure was hard. Sigh, I almost cried, but I held it in. Because it would have been stupid, to be crying, but not crying over what was actually happening.

I'm tired, exhausted, really.

Hug?

Get out of my fucking headdddddddddddddddddd. :'(

You're right. I'm grumpy today. :(

Hahahaha, I wanna go shoe shopping. Buy like ten shoes and come back home and dump them at one corner. Shoes make me happy. Hahaha. Shall go bugis some time soon. Shoes shoes shoes shoes shoes. Plus, I wanna buy stuff. I don't know what stuff, but I just wanna buy buy buy buy. But I'm so broke. Cause class fund ate up 40 bucks from my allowance, grr. Ten dollars a week?!?!?!? Diet, sucks. :(

I'm talking to myself, hahahaha, well done. I wanna sleep. Majorly lack of sleep. And I'm starting to get sick of three cups of tea a day to keep me awakeeeeeeeeeeee :(

DIE SCHOOL DIE.

I wish love came with garantuees.

I wish I could wrap my arms around you, feel you, to make sure you're real. And then I think, I'd never let you go ever again. I don't think I'd want to go through the whole painful experience of loosing you all again. It's either you stay, or you don't ever come back.

You know that feeling? I know it too well.

I feel like counting down..............................

But yet I know I shouldn't get my hopes up either.

SIGH!!!!!
I think I still miss you even if I say I don't.

It's nice when someone remembers something you said, when you can't even remember it yourself. Shows it meant something to the person, even if it didn't mean much to you. Shows that somewhat, you're important and that well.... cherished.



I'm sorry, I promise to catch up. And this time, I promise to remember. (:

I remember how we used to study together on sundays! Or rather I study and you just sit and talk and distract me. And your sister would come and talk to me too. (: We were rather close I think. Just that you don't like messaging, and at sec 2 I hate limited messages so I wouldn't have messaged you either LOL. And then I stopped going on sundays, and you never came to megalife cause you didn't like the people there. And ya... just drifted a lot I guess. It became quite weird, cause you'd never talk to me directly. Like I'd talk to dan, and then you'd talk to dan too, but indirectly talk to me at the same time. We never even said hi to each other anymore, quite sad. ): But we started talking a bit this year, like super a little bit. I'm glad you talked today, although it was weird and like scolding me and stuff, haha. But still. (: We'll catch up, promise.

I think Pam's really sweet. Though I never say it, hahahaha, I think I appreciate her a lot to the power of gazillion!

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, no, no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
No, oh, no, oh, no oh
Whoa, no, no

__________________

Thanks for the delivery, hahaha. If not I think my gastric would really really have killed me right there and then. <3!

You can't keep doing this.

You can't keep coming back to mess with my heart.
I'll start missing you, all over again.

And I, I don't wanna miss you anymore.

No more.

Please just, stop.

My heart, can't take it anymore.

I don't know anymore. What do I do now.

There's nothing more to say, no more to say other than goodbye.

Nope, not tonight. It's going to stop. Don't you fucking dare to cry tonight. I swear I'll kill you. I've gotta be stronger than this. I can't break down, not now, it's just the start.

I don't know how to describe this feeling. It's feeling all notted inside. Now, I don't wanna go back to school tomorrow. I don't want to end up crying in school. I know I can't do smiling thing, right now, I just can't. I don't want school to start, I don't want to be around people. I wanna be alone.

I can't make sense of this all. It just... doesn't make sense. And I, don't know what to do. It's getting hard to say everything's fine.

When I’m singing ‘cause I’m happy, You sing with me too.
You say that I am Your delight, the apple of Your eye.
And when I’m down in the valleys, I’m not far from You.
You never let me out of sight, even if I tried.
And just like before, You call me Yours.

Where can I run from Your all-seeing eye?
How can I hide, when Your presence’s passing by?
Oh, You search me, You know me, I’m Your wonderful design.
And I am the apple of Your eye.

So when the walls come crashing down on me, I’ll look to You.
For though my flesh and heart may fail, Your love will still prevail.
And I’ll rest in the promise, You know what to do.
You’ll hold me close by Your side, closer when I cry.
And just like before, You call me Yours.

<3

Sometimes it gets too hard, you know? Being the only one loving and caring and trying. Being the only one still giving. Sometimes it really gets hard. Sometimes I really just wanna just give up, just leave for good, but somewhere inside, I know I'll never stop caring.

Maybe someday the pain will fade away. Then maybe by then, you'll know I really care. Maybe by then, it wouldn't be such a one way thing anymore.

I just wish sometimes, you knew how much pain I'm in.

Jesus, be with me, please. 

I miss you still, after so long.

"you, i admire you for being neutralish and supportive ish even when you don't agree with other ppl's povs"

(: Thanks babe.

There's always this person, no matter how long it's been, or how badly they've treated you. If they say I love you, you will say it back.

Why's everything still the same when my heart's breaking?

I think someday I'm going to end up killing myself. I never do know when I need to stop giving, stop caring, stop trying, and this disappointment and hurt I cause myself is going to kill me, literally. I tried so hard to push everything away for you, to smile for me, to be there for you, to try means and ways to cheer you up. I felt so helpless for you, you know? And your post... it just broke me, cause I tried so hard. I'm feeling the exact way you are, you know? No you don't know. You don't know that I'm loving someone who doesn't love me back. You don't know. I tell you all the things I wish I could do, I tell you the things I wish I could just get myself to believe cause I know it's best, but I can't bring myself to do it. I wish you knew that I'm not being not understanding I just... Wish I could do all the things I told you to, because I know it's best for me. It hurts, cause I tried so hard to be there for you, I never tried so hard to push something away before. And everything just.. doesn't turn out right.

Ask me what I'm doing, ask me what I want, ask me what I'm hoping for. I don't know. I just need to get out of this hurt and sadness, I can't live in it anymore, really I can't. It's been 3 nights of crying, how many more do I have to endure?

Sometimes I wonder when you'll start looking beyond yourself and see the one you've hurt.

I'm going to be okay (:

I can't force myself to feel anything, can't force myself to stop wanting/needing you, I can't force myself to be okay. So if I'm going to cry, fine, I'll just cry, I won't bother stopping myself anymore, if I laugh, I'm going to laugh and not feel bad for feeling happy with or without you. I can't force you to be here for me, so I'm just going to learn how to deal with things myself. I'm going to be okay. I know I am. (:

A life lived for others, is a life well lived.

Okay, so now I'm a big mess. Positive self talk helps, right?

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

I won't hate you. This pain will go away soon. I won't hate you. You're my best friend and I won't hate you. I won't hate you no matter how painful this is. I won't hate you because I love you. I won't hate you I won't hate you I won't hate you. I need to stick by you. I need to understand. I need to be okay so you won't feel like I'm playing games with you. I'm not bringing you on guilt trips, so I've got to be okay. I won't hate you, I won't hate you, I won't hate you. I'm still going to love you. I'm still going to love you. I'm going to be okay.

Nel, I kinda wish you were here right now. 

It'll be okay, it'll be okay, it'll be okay.

I've been trying to breathe, but I'm fighting for air. I'm at an all time low, with no place to go. Everything falls apart, the world is crashing at my feet. I'm my all worst enemy. I have nothing left to prove. 

I can't keep crying, I need to stop. I don't know how to be strong anymore, I don't know how. 

I THINK I'M COOL HAHAHA. I SAVED $560 THIS YEAR!!!!!

I think, when someone means a lot to me, it's obvious. I think when I'm touched, it's obvious. I think when I'm thankful it's obvious. I think it's obvious when someone lights up my life, I really think it is. When someone means a lot, I talk about that person a lot. Sometimes, this is the way I realize someone's important to me. I never do realize till I realize how much I talk about the person. Just some sudden realizations today.

Thanks for always being there. I probably know you were bored to tears, haha, thanks for trying so hard to cheer me up, I appreciate it.

“I want you to know that if you ever want to talk to me again, you can, and if you ever need anyone, I will always be here. I want you to know that I never stopped loving you and I probably never will. You’ll always be in my heart.”

I don't know why, I just can't stop loving you. I think if you kill me, like literally kill me, I'd still love you and find some reasons to justify why you did it and tell myself you didn't mean to and still love you. I'm past hating myself for loving you, it's too tiring. Maybe someday I'll stop, I hope I do, cause it's kinda hard to love someone, but for now, just remember I'll always be here for you. I like what I said yesterday, "tested, proven, guarantee, plus chop" hahahaha. You've tested me so hard, pushed me so hard, I'm still here. I hope you never forget you're not alone, that no matter what I'm always here for you. And I won't let anyone hate you, not that anyone does, because you're special to me, and so you should be special to everyone else too! 

It's kinda aching. I've never cried like yesterday before. It was an angry cry, or bitter cry. It was a sad cry. The feeling, I don't know how to describe. But I'll be fine. It's what you want, so I'll be fine. (:

“I have never been strong enough to stay. People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn’t. staying, even when you know it will break your heart, is the hardest thing. Staying right where you are, waiting for your entire world to be ripped into pieces is much harder than walking away and starting a new one.”

I think today's really a very hard day. So many thoughts, so many struggles, so much to understand and absorb, so many things which I have to re-realize. Losing the phone just made it all crack, you know? I wasn't upset that I lost my phone actually, it was just a... "bad thing" that happened, but I didn't see it as a bad thing, but I was just upset, and it was just a cracking point I guess.

But I believe, love conquers all. And I love life, I love people. And that'll conquer it all.

I don't know why, today's just a rather screwed up day. I feel like crying right now, but I don't think I'm up to another crying night. It's too much energy, too much emotional strength which I don't have right now. I just wish you had enough time for me, sometimes, I just wonder why I'm always the one being pushed aside and just, everything else has priority over me. I'm feeling so bloody lousy today.

I'm tired of fighting for you. I'm tired of..... everything. I just wanna have a little say, a little priority. Sometimes, I wonder, if even that, is too much to ask for. But I guess, that's life. This is life.

And to you, I'm sorry. Someday, you'll understand why.

It pains me. I'm trying hard not to cry. I don't want to lose the one thing I love a lot, I treasure a lot. But it's not something we can control nor choose. I just pray, and hope, that we don't drift because of the multiplication. I've been holding onto C2 for a year, I hope nothing changes. Everyone's sad about it, I am too, but... I can't show it.

Quite a lot's been happening, but I know everything will work out for the best.

“People say that walking away is the hardest thing to do, but it isn’t. Staying, even when you know it will break your heart, is the hardest thing. Staying right where you are, waiting for your entire world to be ripped into pieces is much harder than walking away and starting a new one.”

I'm not going to walk away from you. So you can come along and rip my world into pieces, you already have, but I'm not walking away. As much as I want to, as much as I should, as much as my head tells me to, my hearts tells me otherwise. My aching, ripped apart heart, tells me otherwise. Because you're my best friend, well, maybe not anymore, but you used to be, and that counts for something. No, that counts for everything. And because I promised you that I'll always be there for you and stick by you, I'll keep to that promise, even if you've broken all your promises. I love you, whoever you are now, I'll just have to find the time and opportunity to figure you out.

I think it's quite amazing, how God told me and Joan ng the same thing during camp. How he told Os and Zs the same thing too. I think He's bringing down misunderstandings, bringing down the anger, hurt and disappointments. I think God's trying to bridge the brokeness in these broken relationships. I'm thankful he came to talk to me first, cause although I knew I should have went to talk to him, I don't think I would have. So, thank God.

Our God's pretty awesome. (:

I've slowly stopped looking for your name online. You're fading away, slowly.

New year resolution: Stop being a cause of worry.

I don't want any of you to have a grumpy night alone, or a sad night alone. I guess, I just don't want to see anyone go through that, I just don't. 

In the end, everything will be okay. If it's not okay, it's not the end.

They light up my life. <3

Ultimately, I know who I am.

And I've been through a lot myself for me to know that I can survive without others by my side. I went through most of sec 2 being bullied and alone and I think that's when I realized that I can love myself for myself without others to be there for me, to include me in things, to love me. I think that was when I realized, I can only count on myself, and yeh.

I'm past being upset over you changing I think. I think the day before was the like... last straw. I look through pictures, I try to catch up on your life, and it's getting tough. It's getting tough to be the one having to try to get you not to change into someone you're not. Or maybe it is someone you are, just someone I never knew. Maybe it's just time to let you go and do your thing. Not interfere or get affected cause it's your life. But you were special and always will be. Maybe it's just time to let that special one go find herself now. Someday, I hope you find yourself. That you start loving yourself more, and that you realize, your self worth does not come from other people loving you, but it comes from realizing how special you are, without the reaffirmation of others cause sweetheart, you are special. You really need to know that. I'd love you, whoever you are and become, but I really hope you don't lose the person I really would never forget.

But you deserve the best, and if who you are now is best for you, keep it that way.

I'll still love you.