There's nothing left to try, though it's going to hurt us both, it's time to say, Goodbye.

I like the lyrics to this song a lot, somewhat, it reminds me of something you would have dedicated to me, before.

Just as I am - Air Supply.

I've had a lot of big dreams
I've made a lot of bad moves

I know you could walk away

But you never do

I've met a lot of cold hearts

I've learned to smile and deceive

I know I'm hard to be around

But you never leave

I'm not easy to understand

But you hold out your hand

And you say you love me

Just as I am

You always treat me

the best that you can

You say you want me, need me

Love me baby

Just as I am, just as I am

I've made a lot of heartaches

I've found a lot of closed doors

When all the others turn away

You love me more

You love me more

I'm not easy to understand

But you hold out your hand

And you say you love me

Just as I am

You always treat me

the best that you can

You say you want me, need me

Love me baby

Just as I am, just as I am

I want to love forever

To keep pur world together

And be the that I can be

Baby, every time the world

Caves in on me

And you say...

Yes, I'm into oldies okay!! I think they're nicer than noisy songs. ): And plus they got more meaning, heh heh. So they're slower and draggier and the drumming not so cool, but oldies are so much more sweet (: I like oldies, I don't want oldy songs to go extinct. ): I love Air Supply! They got the best songs, ever.

Well, I'm sorry I wasn't as special as you expected.

If I could reach for the skies.

So many times in life, the important things pass by us without noticing. And it's only when we look back, do we treasure and miss. Yet when we have it, we take it for granted, think it'll always be there. And suddenly, it's gone. And you wish you treasured it more. Why.

Today's passage made me think quite a bit. Our self righteousness and our thinking that whatever we do is for the best of other people. But is it? Hm...

Secrets.

Massive lack of posts, I know. Blame in on blocks, all blocks. ):

"People hide secrets, cover themselves with layers until they present themselves to the right ones who can unwrap them and see inside. Sometimes you have to give yourself to somebody in order to see who you are. Sometimes you have to unravel things to get to the core"

Okay so. I am currently so tired. And I am hating myself for leaving Econs to the last minute. Not like everything else isn't.... Sigh. Who cares! :D

Okay I'm off now. Can the government please be cheating us and actually secretly be planning to close school on Monday pleaseeee. ):

C2 will still praise.

You hold my every moment

You calm my raging seas

You walk with me through fire

And heal all my disease

I trust in You

I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer

I believe You are all I need

I believe You're my Portion

I believe You're more than enough for me

Jesus You're all I need

Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

Nothing is impossible for You

You hold my world in Your hands

I trust my cell, into Your hands. & I know, you're going to bring out something beautiful from this whole circumstance.

Rise and shine to a headache and a question.

Everything feels so surreal right now. Like every blow I go through, it's just something I go through. Not much heartache, not much pain, not much hurt anymore. I ask myself if it's healthy, I really figure, no. But whatever isn't it, there's no one I can really let in anymore, and I guess I only have myself to blame.

I wish I could tell myself that everything would and will be okay. I wish I could erase your memory from my mind. I wish I could forget and let go and just live with whoever you are right now. Love you for you, the present you. I do, but it's getting so hard. It's getting so hard because the person you once were and the person you are now seems miles apart, so different in so many ways. I wish I could bring you back, I wish I could help you see just how beautiful you were back then, and how you still are, but, different. I wish I could bring you back, but I know I can't anymore. I tried, I tried so hard. But maybe this is the time where I let go, and learn to accept that the person you were is gone now, and that you're the new you now and for all the days we're going to go through together. Maybe afterall, it's true like what you said, people grow up, people change. Maybe you have too. It's going to some time before I let go of who you were completely, but I will. And I'll start to love you for who you are, whoever you are, because I know loving someone, isn't about making him/her into who you want him/her to be. Because I promised you that I'll go through everything with you, rain or shine, walk with you through it all, I won't leave just because of these changes. I'm stronger than that, we're stronger than that. And because I love you, so very much, I'm not going to give up. I know I can do this, and I have to. Because you mean so very much to me.

But, I miss you listening. Most of all, I miss the feeling of being loved. Best friend, I miss you, so much. But from now on, I'm going to let you go.

Some memories can never be erased, and no matter how much you force someone to forget, it's futile. No one can ever forget memories, nothing can erase them. Not even if you want to. Even if you want to erase those memories, it may not be gone, just like how you want it to. Some things, are never that simple.

I'm still trying because I love you. I'm still trying because to me, you're the best friend one could ever have. I'm giving in, because I know you need me right now. I'm pushing it all away, because I want us to get better. You've seen me through so much, been with me through everything for so long, come on, let's not fall apart now. I love you babe, so much! We'll be strong okay. I'll pull you through.

Because slowly, you learn to let things go.

There's so much going on my mind right now, so much I want to put into words. So much. Just so much. How much I miss a certain best friend, how much I miss you. Both the same person by the way. She got it all right, you know? She did.

"Dear Baby, I hope someday somebody wants to hold you for 20 minutes straight and that's all they do. They don't pull away. They don't look at your face. They don't try to kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it. "

Today I was walking along the streets. And it started to drizzle. I saw the traffic lights, and somehow it naturally occured to me to stand under it. Because a very long time ago, you stood under that traffic light in the rain while you tried to catch a cab for us, I remember. And I remember when things didn't work out, how these memories would bring about heartache and pain in my chest I cannot really find the words to describe. Yet today, when I thought back upon that memory, I found a smile come upon my face. A smile because it's a beautiful memory. A smile because I no longer feel pain. A smile because I've learnt to let go. Thing is, some things are hard to forget, some things are hard to let go. But you've got to remember that someday, with time, those painful memories will become beautiful ones, and those memories that made you cry, will make your heart smile the day you let things go. It hurts now, but when you look back and smile in the future, you'll see how far you've come. And those once painful memories, would bring back a memory that would last a lifetime.

Love, it wasn't meant for someone like me.

T.F.

I suddenly miss you quite a bit. Everything we went through, everything we did together. Everytime you were there for me. Along the way maybe we drifted, along the way maybe there were misunderstandings. Along the way maybe I distanced myself away from you. But I still remember all those times you held my hand as I cried, or hugged me when I broke down. Or those prayers you said to pull me through and just those songs we sang when we sat along the beach. I remember them, do you? All those times we laughed together, the times you thought I was drunk but I wasn't. The times you got worked up cause I just wouldn't pull myself together. The times when we laughed so hard we cried, and the times we cried so hard and still laughed in the end. You're a friend I can never find in anyone else. You understood, you really did. And I can say, I understood you too. This friendship isn't something I want to let go. I'm not good at holding onto people, I don't normally do. I just let them go. There's only so much I can do if it's one sided, only so much I can say. I don't know why you're ignoring me now, and I don't know if I've lost you completely. It's been a long time since we've felt like strangers. But still, you hold this very special place in my heart, and you'll never fade away. I miss you.

We all get lost once in a while.

Today was study day. 3 hours of math in the morning fried my brain. Really, it fried my brain cells, now I think I have none left. ): Consultations work, when I'm not asking questions. I don't like asking questions, I'm shy. (: HAHA.

There comes a point in time when you stop letting the anger get to you, stop letting the hurt get to you. I realized, when you take so much of hurt and anger, you become more and more numb. Slowly you stop expecting, slowly you stop hoping, slowly you stop wishing. And with those expectations, hopes and wishes gone, you hurt less. You stop hurting. Maybe that's why they same time heals. Maybe it doesn't heal you, it just allows you time to get used to it. Maybe it just allows you time to accept things you couldn't before. Time, it's still the magic to everything. I'm sorry, I just don't want to be upset over us anymore.

To put up a front so strong, no one can see through. To smile and laugh so genuinely, that you fool even yourself. To tell yourself you're fine, to lie and deceive, that even with time, you start to believe you are fine. Time, look, time can do everything.

Sometimes, in the midst of protecting your heart, protecting yourself, you lose touch with your emotions. And when you look back, you wonder, where did I go.

"Love is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses and laughs and perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, and always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, and utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. But that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning & it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it."

If only letting go was easy, and goodbyes weren't hard.

Sometimes it'll be easier if I never do look back.

I miss you, so much.

My sanity's hanging by a thread.

"Everyone says love hurts but that's not true. Loneliness hurt. Losing someone hurts. Envy hurts. Everyone gets these things confused with love, but in reality, love is the only thing in this world that covers up pain and makes someone feel wonderful again. Love is the only thing in this world that does not hurt."

Maybe we mix those things up with love cause it's only when you love that those things come about. But I guess it's true, love's the only thing in this world that doesn't hurt. Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, but I can't. So I've got to keep looking forward. I tell myself, life isn't about looking back and wishing for those things before to come back, it's about moving forward, looking forward and thinking of how to make today the best it can ever be. It's hard though, to tell yourself and to actually do it. But with conscious effort, I believe everyday becomes a better one.

Mmmmmm, haven't been posting much because my laptop charger died. I think it's perfect timing though! Because then I can concentrate when I study. If not you know my laptop's right in front of me when I study and it's damn hard to concentrate. So I'm quite sure it died on purpose so I can study properly HAHA. I was so tempted to steal the charger today when I saw one near my class bench. HAHA, jk (: I miss my laptop though. ):

Holidays don't seem like holidays. Everything seems so surreal.

既然爱上了又为何不付出

Haven't been blogging much cause my laptop charger died ): Now I can only use this stupid desktop which isn't of much convinience so less blog posts. Roarrr, I need to go buy new charger, it'll be damn expensive la!! ):

I think I hate studying now. It's like so damn sianxzxzx. ): I look at work and I get a headache. -.- Sucks shit. I'm bored, I want my laptop to automatically charge on it's on. ): Bahhhh.

Okay this post is stupid. It's updating for the sake of updating if you can't already tell......... Oh damn, there's physics tomorrow. 3 hours, goodnight during those 3 hours! HA. Gay, I need to get back to math ):

Heal my heart and make it clean,

Open up my eyes to the things unseen.

Show me how to love like You have loved me.

Break my heart for what breaks Yours,

Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause.

As I walk from earth into eternity.

What am I good at. I'm only special in Your eyes. I look at myself, I look around me. I see thousands of people moving at such fast speed, leaving me behind. I look at myself and see how inferior I am to so many others. I ask myself what I'm good at, nothing. I ask myself what I can excel in, nothing. I ask myself what I actually do that can shine and for once, I can better than others, nothing. I ask myself what results have I seen from the things I've put efforts into, nothing. I ask myself what I'm good in, I ask myself how I'm special. I can't think of anything. But I know, I know, in Your eyes I am special. In Your eyes, I'm one special kid. Even if I don't see it, even if I never see it, I know I'm special to You. It's okay if I get left behind, because I know You're right here by my side. I'm not special, I'm not good at anything, I'm no different from anyone else, I'm plain, I'm me. But I know to You, I'm Yours. In You, I find comfort. <3

The feeling of falling in love again.

Okay, all the photos are the wrong way. The bottom is the first and the top is the last. Lazy to rearrange so... Yes! Anywayyy, I had a really good time today! Was supposed to go with Beehiang for picnic alone at first! And then ended up bringing her cousins along too. (Omg, they're damn noisy) HAHA, it was super funnnnn. For a long time, I was truly happy. (: Brought them to the kids place, I swear kids never run out of energy. Brought them to feed fish and turtles and everything. Then bussed home. Damn tired now, but I truly was happy. (: Thank you for today sweetheart! <3

I miss you, more than words can say.

Give me a moment or two, to let my heart restart for you.

Can I still hold on to this little bit of hope for a while longer? Even if I know the outcome, even if I know it'll hurt, can I just hold on a little longer, because it's worth this one last shot.

Holidays aren't the freaking holidays. I'm getting annoyed already. It's just the start of holidays and I'm already studying my ass off. I'm studying harder than last year EOYs please. Damn it, what the hell. There's something wrong with the education system. So much for holidays being a break, damn it, it's not a freaking break at all.....

Went for comm serve. Omg, it was so fun!! Got dragged to play hide and seek and omg, it's the first time I actually hid in a locker. HAHA. You know you watch on shows how people always hide in lockers or get locked inside them when they get bullied etc. Then this damn cute kid always help me find places to hide cause as everyone knows I'm damn lousy at this kind of games. Then after he gets caught he will stand outside my locker then pretend to be leaning on it so the catcher cannot open it. Super cuteeee!! (: Taught for like about an hour, this boy's damn cute, I can't stand it. He doesn't read the passage and jumps straight to the questions and then just anyhow point to some sentence in the passage hoping it's correct or if it's wrong hoping I'll just point out the answer. HA. They make my day much better you know.

Decided to finally learn how to take the straight bus back home. It was a rather far ride, about an hour I think, but I slept, just slept the whole way till I reached home so I think it was good. (: I'm tired. Been sleeping rather late and waking up rather early. So much for holidays huh. (:

My brother's friends came over to my house to watch Boys over Flowers. I can hear them laughing, hahaha. I'm amused, they're like sec3?! BOYS?! Hahaha. Okay..... it really is quite funny.

Promises aren't meant to be empty, words are meant to be adhered to.

NOBODY NOBODY BUT CHU~

Freaking funny OMG. HAHAHHA, needed a break from studying damn badly and then came across this and it totally cracked me up. They're damn good la, wts. HAHAH.

The trainwreck of my emotions.

Just got home, quite tired. Was standing on the train cause there was no seat, and then I fell asleep standing up and my knee gave away. Luckily I had nothing in my hand, if not I would have dropped it like how I dropped my Ipod and bottle before. Embarrassing. ): 

Was supposed to catch Night at the museum today. But didn't in the end. ): Looking at my tight holidays, I don't think I can go out anymore. ): Mugger life, pathetic. Stupid school, you suck.

There's Comm serve tomorrow though! Something to look forward to. (:

Frankly, I don't know what I feel about it.