Omg I lost my excess weight in 2 days to normal. Thank goodness. 43.7 is seriously freaking scary. Like heaviest since sec 1. I was damn freaked out la. I could never ever do diets but I successfully did for the last 2 days ahahaha, that's how freaky it is.
Omg, I can finally eat in peace -.-
SUPPER SOON hahahahhahahaha.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Friday, April 9, 2010
I'm thinking of changing blog :) Should I? Or should I just stop blogging although it's almost impossible hahaha, I like to talk to myself.
It was like about a year ago, do you remember?
No one is going to know what I'm talking about. I don't know either -.-
You make me happy when you don't even do anything at all hahahaha.
I bought new shoes (Y)
Huang cheng tomorrow's going to be great :) They put in a lot of effort, I know.
I don't know what to do when I see you on monday :/
I don't do diets well, HAHA.
I needa start studying, sheesh. I don't wanna screw A's.
I bought something for you :)
Hahahaha, what the heck. This is a stupid post.
One day, go to the beach and take a look at the sunrise. That's how I feel every time I look at you.
So sweetttttttttttt.
It was like about a year ago, do you remember?
No one is going to know what I'm talking about. I don't know either -.-
You make me happy when you don't even do anything at all hahahaha.
I bought new shoes (Y)
Huang cheng tomorrow's going to be great :) They put in a lot of effort, I know.
I don't know what to do when I see you on monday :/
I don't do diets well, HAHA.
I needa start studying, sheesh. I don't wanna screw A's.
I bought something for you :)
Hahahaha, what the heck. This is a stupid post.
One day, go to the beach and take a look at the sunrise. That's how I feel every time I look at you.
So sweetttttttttttt.
"This is for you, my best friend. The one person I can tell my soul to, who can relate to me like no other, who I can laugh with to no extent, who I can cry to when times are tough, who can help me with the problems of my life. Never have you turned your back on me or told me I wasn’t good enough or let me down. I don’t think you know what that means to me. You have gone through so much pain and you still have time for me and I love you for listening even when you’re dying inside. And I look up to you because you’re strong, and caring, and beautiful, even though you don’t think you are. And I hope you know that I’m always here to listen to you laugh and cry and help in all the ways that I can, and I will try to be at least half the friend you are to me. I hope you know I would not be the person I am today without you, my best friend. Thanks for being the friend who’s always believed in me, who’s always understood, who’s always accepted me, who’s always cared."
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I wanna stay home with my kids next time.
If I have a daughter, I wanna bake cookies and muffins with her. I wanna read her story books and stroke her hair as she sleeps. I wanna take her to playgrounds, bring her on walks, take her to disney land, she needs to believe in fairytales. I wanna make sure I'm always there when she cries, I always wanna know when she's upset and give her hugs when she needs them. I don't want her to think that I want her to be strong, I don't want her to think that I expect her to be okay all the time, I don't want her to think that she has to be a grown up in the house even when she's 21.
If I have a son, I wanna learn all the computer games he's going to play so I can play it with him. I wanna know his friends so his friends can come over and home will really be somewhere he can go to. I wanna watch tv with him so we can laugh over the same things. I wanna bring him to cool exhibitions, maybe the equilivent of star wars back in the 90's or something like that. I wanna make sure he knows I love him and that I'm always proud of him no matter what. I wanna always be there for him and kiss him goodnight everyday.
If I have kids, I want them to know my arms are always there for them. And that I'll do whatever they like to do even if I don't like it because they need someone to cultivate their interests and passions. I wanna take them to parks and swings and I want them to have a childhood that may not be perfect, but one that's happy. One where they can look back and remember and smile. I want to take lots of pictures of them so they can look back and remember, and so I can too. I want them, most importantly, to know that they're loved. That whatever they go through, that they can come back home and cry or scream or laugh if they need to, that they never need to keep it in. That in the home that I'll have next time, there'll be no such thing as needing to be strong. Because they'll be my kids, and my kids will always be kids in my eyes, they need not be strong and they need not grow up, because I'll love them all the same.
If I have a daughter, I wanna bake cookies and muffins with her. I wanna read her story books and stroke her hair as she sleeps. I wanna take her to playgrounds, bring her on walks, take her to disney land, she needs to believe in fairytales. I wanna make sure I'm always there when she cries, I always wanna know when she's upset and give her hugs when she needs them. I don't want her to think that I want her to be strong, I don't want her to think that I expect her to be okay all the time, I don't want her to think that she has to be a grown up in the house even when she's 21.
If I have a son, I wanna learn all the computer games he's going to play so I can play it with him. I wanna know his friends so his friends can come over and home will really be somewhere he can go to. I wanna watch tv with him so we can laugh over the same things. I wanna bring him to cool exhibitions, maybe the equilivent of star wars back in the 90's or something like that. I wanna make sure he knows I love him and that I'm always proud of him no matter what. I wanna always be there for him and kiss him goodnight everyday.
If I have kids, I want them to know my arms are always there for them. And that I'll do whatever they like to do even if I don't like it because they need someone to cultivate their interests and passions. I wanna take them to parks and swings and I want them to have a childhood that may not be perfect, but one that's happy. One where they can look back and remember and smile. I want to take lots of pictures of them so they can look back and remember, and so I can too. I want them, most importantly, to know that they're loved. That whatever they go through, that they can come back home and cry or scream or laugh if they need to, that they never need to keep it in. That in the home that I'll have next time, there'll be no such thing as needing to be strong. Because they'll be my kids, and my kids will always be kids in my eyes, they need not be strong and they need not grow up, because I'll love them all the same.
In all today, I figured something out. Don't think I'll say it here, but yeh.
It's going to be a new start. I'm letting go of everything and everyone. Starting it all over again, all from scratch, even if you meant the world to me before. That everyone means as much as anyone else right now, and everything everyone does is what I'll base my friendships on, not the past, not the future, but now.
I'm letting it all go.
It's going to be a new start. I'm letting go of everything and everyone. Starting it all over again, all from scratch, even if you meant the world to me before. That everyone means as much as anyone else right now, and everything everyone does is what I'll base my friendships on, not the past, not the future, but now.
I'm letting it all go.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Let me hold you
For the last time
It's the last chance to feel again
But you broke me
Now I can't feel anything
When I love you
It's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking
It's the voice of someone else
Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When it's too late
Oh it tears me up
I tried to hold on but it hurts too much
I tried to forgive but it's not enough
To make it all okay
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
But we're running through the fire
When there's nothing left to say
It's like chasing the very last train
When we both know it's too late
You can't play our broken strings
You can't feel anything
That your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that aint real
Oh the truth hurts
And lies worse
I can't like it anymore
And I love you a little less than before
Oh and I love you a little less than before
Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last change to feel again
I almost accomplished the goal of not crying today and I'm kinda proud of myself for that.
I didn't cry until after school when I walked into that classroom and I wanted to say hi but you turned away. Just somehow, felt like everyone was gone, somehow, that everyone just left. That I can make all the effort I want, but at the end of the day it boils down to nothing. That's how I felt then I guess, right at that moment. And I walked out, and I started crying, walked out of school, crying. But other than that, I didn't cry today. Only teared in the morning and during lectures, but that's it. No outburst crying. I'm proud of myself for that.
I realized I can't be sad around those girls. Their crap and all the nonsense they tell me, really brightens up my day. I can zone out and tear and all that, but they can still find their way to bring me back to normalcy, if there's sucha word. I like being around them, even if I'm sad, because I have reasons to smile when I'm with them, somehow. Even if it's doing nothing, I wouldn't mind it. I was sitting in class with limmin during break listening to her phone songs and stoning, even in that, it made me smile.
It's tough alright, I don't deny it. I'm not that strong, but I'll be okay. Trust me, believe in me, I will be.
Thanks hun for the hug <3
I wanted to be alone after school, and I did. Sat there and did math, and did and did and did until I wanted to go crazy cause I couldn't do anything properly. I like being alone sometimes, sometimes I just need to clear my head.
I smiled quite a bit today, I think it's good, right? That even if it isn't really true, or whole hearted, at least I did, right? And slowly, bit by bit, I'll get better. I know it.
And inside, who's to say, no one changes much at all.
I didn't cry until after school when I walked into that classroom and I wanted to say hi but you turned away. Just somehow, felt like everyone was gone, somehow, that everyone just left. That I can make all the effort I want, but at the end of the day it boils down to nothing. That's how I felt then I guess, right at that moment. And I walked out, and I started crying, walked out of school, crying. But other than that, I didn't cry today. Only teared in the morning and during lectures, but that's it. No outburst crying. I'm proud of myself for that.
I realized I can't be sad around those girls. Their crap and all the nonsense they tell me, really brightens up my day. I can zone out and tear and all that, but they can still find their way to bring me back to normalcy, if there's sucha word. I like being around them, even if I'm sad, because I have reasons to smile when I'm with them, somehow. Even if it's doing nothing, I wouldn't mind it. I was sitting in class with limmin during break listening to her phone songs and stoning, even in that, it made me smile.
It's tough alright, I don't deny it. I'm not that strong, but I'll be okay. Trust me, believe in me, I will be.
Thanks hun for the hug <3
I wanted to be alone after school, and I did. Sat there and did math, and did and did and did until I wanted to go crazy cause I couldn't do anything properly. I like being alone sometimes, sometimes I just need to clear my head.
I smiled quite a bit today, I think it's good, right? That even if it isn't really true, or whole hearted, at least I did, right? And slowly, bit by bit, I'll get better. I know it.
And inside, who's to say, no one changes much at all.
Monday, April 5, 2010
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