I wanna stay home with my kids next time.

If I have a daughter, I wanna bake cookies and muffins with her. I wanna read her story books and stroke her hair as she sleeps. I wanna take her to playgrounds, bring her on walks, take her to disney land, she needs to believe in fairytales. I wanna make sure I'm always there when she cries, I always wanna know when she's upset and give her hugs when she needs them. I don't want her to think that I want her to be strong, I don't want her to think that I expect her to be okay all the time, I don't want her to think that she has to be a grown up in the house even when she's 21.

If I have a son, I wanna learn all the computer games he's going to play so I can play it with him. I wanna know his friends so his friends can come over and home will really be somewhere he can go to. I wanna watch tv with him so we can laugh over the same things. I wanna bring him to cool exhibitions, maybe the equilivent of star wars back in the 90's or something like that. I wanna make sure he knows I love him and that I'm always proud of him no matter what. I wanna always be there for him and kiss him goodnight everyday.

If I have kids, I want them to know my arms are always there for them. And that I'll do whatever they like to do even if I don't like it because they need someone to cultivate their interests and passions. I wanna take them to parks and swings and I want them to have a childhood that may not be perfect, but one that's happy. One where they can look back and remember and smile. I want to take lots of pictures of them so they can look back and remember, and so I can too. I want them, most importantly, to know that they're loved. That whatever they go through, that they can come back home and cry or scream or laugh if they need to, that they never need to keep it in. That in the home that I'll have next time, there'll be no such thing as needing to be strong. Because they'll be my kids, and my kids will always be kids in my eyes, they need not be strong and they need not grow up, because I'll love them all the same.