I almost accomplished the goal of not crying today and I'm kinda proud of myself for that.

I didn't cry until after school when I walked into that classroom and I wanted to say hi but you turned away. Just somehow, felt like everyone was gone, somehow, that everyone just left. That I can make all the effort I want, but at the end of the day it boils down to nothing. That's how I felt then I guess, right at that moment. And I walked out, and I started crying, walked out of school, crying. But other than that, I didn't cry today. Only teared in the morning and during lectures, but that's it. No outburst crying. I'm proud of myself for that.

I realized I can't be sad around those girls. Their crap and all the nonsense they tell me, really brightens up my day. I can zone out and tear and all that, but they can still find their way to bring me back to normalcy, if there's sucha word. I like being around them, even if I'm sad, because I have reasons to smile when I'm with them, somehow. Even if it's doing nothing, I wouldn't mind it. I was sitting in class with limmin during break listening to her phone songs and stoning, even in that, it made me smile.

It's tough alright, I don't deny it. I'm not that strong, but I'll be okay. Trust me, believe in me, I will be.

Thanks hun for the hug <3

I wanted to be alone after school, and I did. Sat there and did math, and did and did and did until I wanted to go crazy cause I couldn't do anything properly. I like being alone sometimes, sometimes I just need to clear my head.

I smiled quite a bit today, I think it's good, right? That even if it isn't really true, or whole hearted, at least I did, right? And slowly, bit by bit, I'll get better. I know it.

And inside, who's to say, no one changes much at all.