I think last night, I was sure I was happy. It was so cute when she just knew we were all cheating her, that she just knew that we were all surprising her. It was cute when she smiled so happily. (: I don't really know my grandma well, never really got to spend much time with her and all. But still, I think she's had a tough life, and sometimes she can be difficult, but who can blame her, right? I think it's good when we all come together for something, as a whole big family. We practically grow up together. But we're not really close. I have nice cousins, but... hahaha, I have a social problem. But it's good (: Really, it's nice like last night when we went for karaoke together. It's quite funny actually. From 6 years to about 60? The songs were damn weird, generation gap. But I don't know, it made me happy to see the older ones enjoy themselves too. Maybe these are life's simple pleasures that still make me smile.

Maybe I've become skeptical about a lot of things, but I know I'll never doubt the power of family.

If you're going to change, I think I'm going to start to pull away. I just can't deal with losing another person. Especially when you know how much I've been through and yet you still put me through this.. Or maybe you just don't have much of a choice either. But I just can't take it, I can't stand at the sidelines and see you change. I've had enough of that. Enough of having my heart broken from standing and just watching someone I love change. I've had enough. So, maybe this friendship was only meant to last this long. I don't want to try anymore, why can't someone else try for a change?

I don't feel like blogging for people to read anymore. I know no one else comes here so it's good. These thoughts that seem to overwhelm my brain are like too intense and I just need somewhere I can talk to myself for a bit.

Things have been fine, things are going to get better.

You've been so sweet, but I don't want things to change. I want things to stay as they are now, and I hope you understand. D was right, perhaps we're not afraid of commitment. We're just afraid of being left, afraid that we won't be who you thought we are and leave. Perhaps.... for me, I just don't think love actually exists anymore. Maybe that's why I can't feel it. I don't want a relationship, I just want a friendship I can count on.