Holding you, it's a feeling I never outgrew.

I am not going to school tomorrow, hooray! I hate school, period.

So many thoughts ran through my mind today, although it probably didn't show. So many things I've been thinking about, so many hurts, so much pain, so many things I've got to face right now. But yet, I still find joy in smiling, because sometimes, even when it's forced, it's the only thing that keeps me going, the only thing that gives me strength to face a new day. And even as a smile, I remember all the things I have to be thankful for, and naturally things get better. When you're down and out, smile, even if you don't really mean it, smile. It'll make you feel better, even if you're having the worst day of your life.

There are so many things I have to tell you, but I don't know how. I want to tell you how much I miss you, how much you mean to me, how much I want us to be happy, how much I want us to stop quarreling, how much I want us to stop these nonsensical bullshit, how much I want us to forget all the past hurts, how much I want you to be alright, how much I want you to want all those things for me too. So much I have to tell you, so much I want to tell you. But I no longer know how. Perhaps, you've been far away for far too long. Perhaps I've been trying to tell you but ending up facing a heartbreak of you hearing me, but never listening anymore. Perhaps, you've just brought my hopes up and brought me all the way down time and time again with your empty promises. Perhaps, perhaps. Don't tell me you're sorry, because if that's all it takes, why are there laws and policeman. Don't tell me you're sorry, because it doesn't mend my broken heart. But still, I love you, so.