Today was kinda horrible. I smiled as much as I could, I swear. Got back chem, wanted so much to just cry but I didn't because it'd just make everything awkward.

Took 67 back home, long long ride. And I listened to my Ipod and I just started crying. Goodness, I wonder how many times I actually have cried in public. But then lt started messaging me and it was ridiculously funny. So there I was, laughing and crying. I must have looked like a total wreck.

Walked home, really slow walk. I never noticed, but the trees along the main road are really pretty, a lot of flowers.

I know that all of you meant well, but it's not okay. It's not okay because I worked hard. It's not okay because this is the best I have. And if this is the best I have, how hard more do I have to push to get to where I want to.

I know it probably seems like nothing- Studies. But to me, it means a lot. Not everything, but a lot. Sometimes, I wish I were smarter, and other times, I'm thankful that I'm just the way I am, because I push myself so much harder to get to where others can so easily get to.

I don't know anymore, I'm just drained. But I know this, I won't give up. Because it isn't me. It's not me to give up.