Why's everything still the same when my heart's breaking?

I think someday I'm going to end up killing myself. I never do know when I need to stop giving, stop caring, stop trying, and this disappointment and hurt I cause myself is going to kill me, literally. I tried so hard to push everything away for you, to smile for me, to be there for you, to try means and ways to cheer you up. I felt so helpless for you, you know? And your post... it just broke me, cause I tried so hard. I'm feeling the exact way you are, you know? No you don't know. You don't know that I'm loving someone who doesn't love me back. You don't know. I tell you all the things I wish I could do, I tell you the things I wish I could just get myself to believe cause I know it's best, but I can't bring myself to do it. I wish you knew that I'm not being not understanding I just... Wish I could do all the things I told you to, because I know it's best for me. It hurts, cause I tried so hard to be there for you, I never tried so hard to push something away before. And everything just.. doesn't turn out right.

Ask me what I'm doing, ask me what I want, ask me what I'm hoping for. I don't know. I just need to get out of this hurt and sadness, I can't live in it anymore, really I can't. It's been 3 nights of crying, how many more do I have to endure?