What do I do now?

Do you know how it feels like when everyone thinks you've got everything, when they get angry and jealous and upset with you because they think you've got everything they want and they don't, and yet, you feel like you've got nothing. But because they say you do, you can't be insensitive and say you don't. Even if you feel like you're the most alone person in the world, you've got to say you're sorry and say that you're grateful. Even if you don't feel protected, don't feel cared for, you've got to say you're sorry they feel alone and uncared for, cause supposedly you have what they don't, but you know, it's the worst. Like what Yishun says when people make fun of us together, that's when it hurts most, because it's not true and he's reminded and he has to act like everything's okay. I understood, I always understood what he meant. But now, it's just, a double slap in my face. What if, you know, just what if, I don't feel protected or loved or cared for. Then maybe you could call me ungrateful, or maybe you could think about how it feels like for people to think you've got so much, when you feel like you don't, and have them get upset with you over it.

And you said my present was insincere, I almost cried right there and then. Because you know, I put a lot of effort, money and thought into that present. It's christmas, and I'm still crying. Why.

And then there's you. You think you don't cross my mind. You just don't know, don't know what it's like to have to do things to get you off my mind. That if I have to post about you, it'll never end. I'm just tired, okay? Have you ever posted anything for me? Even when we were together, did you? No. And right now, I'm just scarred, and tired.