I miss you. 

Today's going to be a good day, I don't care. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. Haha, that's kinda ironic isn't it. I'm going to stop being sad, it's enough. It's Christmas, for goodness sake! Yeh, enough. Needa remember who I was, who I always wanted to be. Haha. It's like a life motto, I think? 

I want to be remembered as the girl who smiles even when her heart is broken, and the one who could brighten up your day even when she couldn't brighten up her own. 

I think it's cool to be remembered that way. Maybe makes me seem like a pathetic sad girl, haha, but still. I want that, I'm going to work for that. Need to remind myself, that in this big big world, I'm a small person, literally even. But just one smile, it'll change a lot. Hahaha, maybe I'll go smile at random people again and make small babies cry cause I smile at them. Maybe. But at days, I know, it warms my heart when people give up their seats for the elderly, like makes me smile like some idiot, seriously, I think people think I'm crazy when they see me smile like that. But you see, it's these things that give me hope. This small bit of hope, that, well, maybe this world isn't that crazy and stupid yet. That maybe, not everyone's living for themselves, and somewhere out there, there are people who still love and give. 

Brighten up people's day. I'm not that good. But I know I can be there, and I know I can listen. Sometimes I get resentful that people just come to me when they're upset. But I've thought about it. What the heck, right? At least they come to me, at least I can do something about it, at least I can listen and well... listen, cause I'm not good with advices either. At least they don't have to sit in the corner of their room and cry their hearts out hugging a teddy bear, haha, I do sound a little pathetic now, don't I. But I guess, all that crying I went through made me stronger. I won't give up. I can give up right now, I think. Everything just sucks! But I won't. I've come so far, who's to tell me when it all ends, no one but myself. And this is not the end, it'll be a sucky ending. I'm going to look for a happy ending, one where I can sleep and smile, and wake up to another day and look forward to it. Watch me. 

I'm fine, I'm going to be okay.

You probably don't know, but you'll always be my evangeline. (:

Ps, Grandpa, I miss you, so very much. I can't wait till I see you again. Do you know, it's still you that gets me through those nights where I feel so alone. It's still you, that makes me cry sometimes when I look at your photo. It's still you, you're still my favorite grandpa. (haha, and no it's not cause I only have one) I love you, I don't wanna forget you, ever.