What is it going to take for this misery to end?

"I'd wish on every shooting star, hang onto every 11:11, save every four leaf clover, do whatever it would take. But I won't do this. I can't. As much as this is going to be the death of me, I cannot do this. I can't let myself get hurt again. So what now? Because I have finally figured out what I should do, what I need to do, and yet the instant I hear your voice, I remember what I want to do. And neither answer is the same, or even remotely related. And I always find myself right back here, confused, used and eagerly anticipating something that will never, ever happen."

Last night, I sat in that corner where I always would when I talk to you on the phone. And in that corner, I listened to you cry, listened to you scream, listened as your heart broke. But while I sat there seemingly quiet on the phone, the tears ran down my cheeks, and I whimpered to myself so you wouldn't hear me, held myself tight cause I felt like my world was crashing down on me. Cleared my throat and told you that everything will be okay, even when I knew things aren't. Most of all, when you cried, and screamed, I sat there alone, with the tears down my cheek, wishing with all my heart, that everything would be okay, and that I could say it and mean it, for once in a really long time.