I went to changi there today, where we went together, where I bluffed my mummy and said I was going for some musical (?) or something Haha. And I started guessing plane names by myself. My eyesight's deproved though. Still, it made me smile.



:)

Time to move on, you're no longer the person I knew.

Not going to run anymore, just one shot. Not going to run from one for another whom I no longer know. Not going to run, cause there's going to be a point where I stop running and stop being afraid of being left. Too many times I've run because of you, be it memories or because I still feel for you. The fear or the love, right now, I can't point out which it is. But it's gotta stop, now, it's gotta stop.

Not dependent anymore. Not on you. You've never been there.

Since when have you been someone to cry over results? Since when have you been on to be defeated? Enough crying now, it's okay if everything deproved, it's okay because this is not A's. Come on Charis, be brave, be braver than you've been, and press on, press on and don't give up.

I am sad, but I shouldn't let it overwhelm me. Pardon the self talk, I think I've been crying the whole day it should stop somewhere.

If I could, I'd tell you not to change.
I'd tell you that you were perfect the way you are and you don't need to change.
Most importantly, I don't want you to change.

But then I ask myself, what right do I have to even think those thoughts.
None. And I slowly let them go.

Today was quite a horrible day. First was crying like a retard who was unable to stop. Laughing and crying at the same time, couldn't breathe couldn't stop. Like a retard. Then I had to snap at you, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have. We were both just in a bad mood, I wish I didn't. And sigh.

My eyes still hurt omg! This is crazy. I shouldn't have cried. Why did I?

Sigh. Are we back to square one?

Oh look. I failed GP too. :'(

I'm breaking. As much I don't want to, I know I am. And it's getting so difficult, to keep up this whole never give up thing. I printed a photo of you today grandpa, I'm sorry for all that I've become, how terribly lousy in everything. I miss you.

"Giving up" isn't in my dictionary. Remember that Charis? Please press on.

Run the race and keep the faith.

Maybe tonight I'd let myself cry. But for now, I don't really want to. No point crying over spilt milk. Just gotta work harder, try harder. And never, never, never give up.

I cried like a baby in the airport on Saturday during dinner in front of my parents. I think it's been such a long time that they've seen me cry they got pretty shocked and nice after that. But they got it wrong, I'm not upset about all that they thought I was upset over, I'm upset because I feel like I'm in A levels alone and it's not fair because they're in it with my brothers for his PSLE and O's.

Do you see it mum and dad?

I try to talk to you about it, bring it up and hope that somehow you'll get what I'm feeling inside. But why don't you? Why do you think it's that I feel everything that I don't. I just want to know you're in it with me, it's not fair.

But I guess, life never is fair.

When you smile the whole world stops and stares for a while. :)

I wanted to tell you that I felt like you weren't interested in building the friendship back up. And then I decided not to. Because I guess, I figured, sometimes, it's better to not rush things. Maybe then, things would fall into place better. :)

I feel so much better today. Although Physics was one big joke ahaha. But, I guess I've really come to understand that every day, is, brand new.

I shall aim for fass :) then further one more year in aus after I'm done in fass. I really can't imagine studying overseas. Don't want to anyway, never really wanted to. I like the comfort of knowing I have my friends and family right by my side. I like the comfort of having someone to talk to or meet up with whenever I think we've not talked for a very long time. I like it that I can be here if they need. I don't like the concept of being so far away for so long cause I know some of my friendships wouldn't last if I leave cos it's not strong enough. So I wanna stay, I really do. Fass, wait for me. :)

Go Charis, a bit more. Press on, don't give up :)

I decide what mood I am in. :)
I cannot decide what life throws at me, but I can decide how I'll face it.

With a smile on my face and love from my heart.
Is there anything that is impossible? I'll do it with the strength from my Lord.

The minute you think of giving up, think of the reason why you held on for so long.

Need. to. trust. and. stop. crying. :(

So scared. Why am I so scared?

Help. It's just an exam charis just an exammmm. 

Feels like every time I talk to you, I'm talking to myself.

And that every time I try to talk, you just don't wanna talk.

Hey babe,

Was it really nothing to you at all? Am I banging myself into the wall again? Don't you treasure our friendship at all? Cos if it's one sided, tell me at least. So I won't have expectations. 

Omg, econs ahaha why the heck am I still on the comp -.-

DIE CHARIS!!!!

You're right, it wasn't meant to be this difficult. But you still mean a lot to me.